Toddler Discipline
Toddlers often say "no" or do the opposite of what you want them to do. During this normal phase of development, children learn that interactions are guided by rules and parents have authority to teach societal rules and insure safety. A toddler however will test the rules parents make to see if a parent will really put into practice what they say.
To test or resist rules is common during the toddler years. Toddlers can be passionate about getting their own way. They want to do things for themselves, like run and climb up stairs or chairs. They want to be in charge of what they wear and eat, where they go, and what they do. A toddler's bossiness is a method of testing how much power he or she really has. Toddlers will do things purposely to anger or frustrate parents because they want to know that their parents will pay attention to them. They are great imitators of behavior they see and hear.
Handle bossiness with gentle firmness and kindness. In time, children will see that there are better ways than demanding to get what they want. Try these strategies to promote socially appropriate behavior and help develop a happy, well-behaved, and independent child.
How can I avoid conflict?
Sometimes misbehaviors can be completely avoided by eliminating problems before they happen. Here are some ways you can avoid trouble.
- Childproof the home. Go through every room in your house and remove anything valuable, dangerous, or messy. Preventive child-proofing will remove temptations. Expect your child to be inquisitive and want to explore; creating a safe environment will allow the freedom to do so.
- Give choices. State choices to avoid "no" answers. Two or three options work best. This meets your need and also gives the child something he wants. For example, do not ask if the child wants to go to the park. Instead, ask "Do you want to play on the swing or the slide when we get to the park?"
- Redirect your child. Instead of punishing your child, redirect them into a suitable behavior. If a child plays with something you don't want him to have, replace it with another object or toy that he enjoys. This approach avoids a potential power struggles and does not place children in a situation where they might say "no."
- Introduce sensible limits. Give your child a positive option when saying "no". Offer compromises such as, "You may have one cookie, but not three," or suggest alternatives such as, "you cannot run in the parking lot, but you can run around the yard when we get home."
How can I encourage appropriate behavior?
Relax and approach your child with understanding and humor. At times you will need to use your authority. Save this for the larger issues. These are usually issues and rules which relate to safety. Your rules should not be too strict or too lenient. Enforce the rules fairly every time. Be gentle but firm with your child. If a rule is broken, after a short, clear, and gentle explanation, immediately find a place for your child to sit alone for 2 minutes. Time-out should be composed of complete withdrawal of any social attention from the child. It is very important for a time-out to come right after a rule is broken. The most important thing parents can do is to be consistent in following through with reasonable rules. Implementing time-out with your child takes skill. If you feel like your child does not respond to time-out, talk to your doctor for advice.
You should also use logical consequences. For example, if your child doesn't stay in the car seat then the car doesn't go. If he throws food on the floor, then he doesn't get any more and may be hungry (and if your child is old enough, have him help clean the floor).
Most importantly, be consistent with your discipline. Don't make commands you don't intend to enforce. If you say you are going to do it, do it.
Your child's self-esteem will increase as he or she learns to deal with the world and other people. How you manage this period of growing independence and individuality will impact your child's future behavior. Many parents find the toddler stage difficult. Ask your health care provider if you would like more advice on managing behavior. With patience, support, understanding and consistency, this phase can be enjoyable for parent and child alike.
