Sexual Behaviors: Setting Limits

Sexual behaviors are normal, even in very young children. Many children touch themselves, show their privates to others, or ask questions about sex. For children to have healthy sexual development, you should let your children know that they can ask you about their bodies.

If you feel that your child's behavior is inappropriate (for example, touching himself in public), then some limits should be set on that behavior. Many parents worry that setting such limits will cause the child to be ashamed or to have hangups about sex. However, like other things, children need rule about touching and sexual behaviors.

Here are four simple rules you can teach your child to help him understand the limits.

1. You may touch your own private parts when you're by yourself. This is a normal behavior in children. If your child is touching himself a lot and in public places, tell your child that it is okay to touch himself, but he should do it in a private place such as his bedroom or a bathroom.
2. You may not touch other people's private parts. If your child tries to touch other people's genitals, it's important to let him know that genitals are people's private places.
3. You may not show your private parts to other people. If your child pulls down her pants or exposes her genitals, tell her it's not okay to show her private parts to other people.
4. You may not let other people touch your private parts. Tell your child that he should not allow others to touch his or her private parts.

All of the above behaviors can be normal in a child's development. However, it is important to be consistent in setting these limits for your child. If your child continues these behaviors, even after being reminded of these rules, talk to your child's health care provider.

Reference: Bonner & Walker, University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center.