Teaching Independent Play

Teaching your child to play independently for longer and longer periods of time is a very slow process. However, it is well worth the time and effort. It is not accomplished overnight; it is accomplished gradually.

The age of your child determines what type of activities you use to teach this skill. For toddlers, playing with a toy is a good activity to use. For older, school-age children, homework, reading, etc., can be used. Select one or more activities that your child likes when you first begin.

1. Determine how long your child is now playing or engaging in any specific activity (for example, coloring, playing quietly, reading). It may be a very short time (1 to 5 minutes).
2. Pick a time to work on increasing your child's attention span each day. Your child will need the structure of a specific time each and every day to make the process easier.
3. Ask your child to engage in the activity you have chosen (for example, playing quietly) for an amount of time you feel certain he can manage (maybe 5 minutes). Set a portable kitchen timer for that amount of time.
4. Give your child very brief love pats (you don't want to distract him) as often as possible during this time.
5. Gradually increase the time for the activity. The amount of increase depends on your child. At first set the timer for the same amount of time for 3 or 4 days. You may need to continue with this amount of time for more than 3 to 4 days, depending on your child's progress.
6. If your child is enjoying these quiet types of activities at any other time during the day, be sure to give her lots of physical contact during such times.
7. If your child has tantrums before or during the time you are working on this behavior, place him in time-out. After the time-out is over, tell your child again to engage in the activity. Praise getting started and trying. Make this as pleasant as possible but do not give in to a tantrum by allowing your child to get out of working for the specified time.
8. Equally important is modeling the kind of behavior you expect your child to have. For example, if you would like your child to read more, it's very important that she see you enjoying reading. Don't make the mistake of "waiting till the kids are in bed" to do your reading.
9. Plan to provide praise and recognition for your child's appropriate behavior as long as your child lives at home.